So, where were we? Ah yes, there lived a young woman (Helena) who was rather unfortunately, well, we'll call it "obsessed" with a man, not quite so young as herself (we'll call him Alex, for no reason in particular), who was very kind, intelligent, witty, charming, attractive, and deep (not to mention genius), but also rather aloof. It wasn't that he didn't like her or anything, in fact he liked her very much. But he was terribly busy doing the sorts of things that geniuses do, such as writing proposals and giving lectures and computing and imbibing mind-altering substances and the like. So he simply didn't have time for emotional entanglements.
Now, it just so happens that our dear young Helena had come to a point in her life which, at least intellectually, also refused the admittance of emotional entanglements. However, being as she was, through no fault of her own, a rather intensely emotional person, she couldn't always avoid them. And being, for reasons unknown, particularly vulnerable upon first meeting this kind, intelligent, witty, charming, attractive, deep (not to mention genius), and aloof man (that's Alex), she can be said to have tripped and fallen into an especially knotty patch of "emotional entanglement."
Although Helena sometimes wished (rather wistfully) that she wasn't quite so talented when it came to falling in this manner, she couldn't deny the advantage it gave her. Namely, that she'd had a lot of practice picking herself up again, and had gotten rather skilled at it. And so, after her attachment to the idea of this particular emotional entanglement (not to mention physical entanglement) was gently rejected, first by kind Alex, and subsequently by her own intellect, pick herself up was exactly what she did. And the friendship that grew between the two of them as a result of all this nonsense was really quite sweet, if a tad distant.
So, that's settled, let's skip ahead a bit, shall we? Saaaay, 6 months ahead.
D-ding!
"We're gonna be pirates."
Helena stared at the text message in surprise. She hadn't heard from Alex in weeks.
"Um, haha, ok. Hi, how are you?"
Vwoop.
D-ding!
"I'm great! Because we're gonna be pirates!"
"Haha, don't be silly, piracy these days is vulgar and boring :P"
Vwoop.
D-ding!
"Are you free tonight? Want to meet for drinks somewhere?"
"Yeah, alright. It'd be good to see you."
Vwoop.
D-ding!
"Cool. Meet me at That One Bar By My House at 9?"
"Lovely, see you then."
Vwoop.
Helena walked into That One Bar By His House at 9:07pm and found Alex at a table in the corner. We can take it for granted that there was an affectionate greeting and the usual sorts of questions friends often ask each other when they haven't seen each other for weeks. But as those details are rather mundane, we will forge ahead. They were sitting at the same table, two drinks later, when intelligent Alex started repeating himself.
"We're gonna be pirates."
Helena looked at him. He seemed... serious. Even... nervous?
"Ok, I'll bite," she said. "What are you on about?"
He thought about taking her hands, to show how sincere he was, but decided against it. Instead he looked at her steadily and said in a very slow and deliberate voice,
"I have discovered the secret of time travel."
There were several seconds of stunned silence before Helena burst into an explosive fit of giggles. But Alex wasn't laughing.
"Oh my god, you're serious."
"What do you think I've been doing all this time? I've been shut up working on it for weeks, and I got it! It works! Listen, we could meet Einstein, Shakespeare, Queen Elizabeth I, anybody! And pirates! We could meet Blackbeard, Anne Bonny, Captain Kidd! We could actually MEET them! ...Aren't you excited?"
Helena had gotten very silent and still.
"I'm not going with you."
"What? No, no, no, that's not the line. You're supposed to say 'fantastic! when do we leave?' What are you doing?"
"No, I'm stopping this now. It started out alright, kinda cute and wistfully lighthearted and irreverent, but now it's gotten simply ridiculous."
"What? You can't just stop right in the middle of the story. I mean, it's barely gotten started. Wait. No! Sit down!"
Helena had gotten up to leave and was putting on her coat.
"You can shut it too, Narrator, we don't need you here."
There was a chilly silence as everyone in the bar stopped their conversations and turned to glare at Helena.
"I said shut it, Narrator."
...
"Hey, look, you can't get rid of the narrator! How is anyone gonna know what's going on?"
"Alex, just stop it, I'm leaving this story, it's no good, I can't believe in it."
"What's the problem? Was it the time travel? I thought that bit was kinda neat."
"No, the time travel was a great idea, and the pirates. It would be really fun. But it's... I just don't... Alex, wouldn't you rather go alone?"
"No. I want you to come with me. Don't be absurd, that's why I'm here, that's what the whole story is about."
"Exactly, Alex. That's what the story is about. You only want me to come with you because I want you to want me to come with you. Your name isn't really Alex, remember? And it's easier for me to believe that you (the real you) could invent an honest-to-goodness real bona fide time-travelling machine (although I expect it would take you more than a few weeks to do) than for me to believe that you'd want me, just me, to come with you as a "special companion" on your time traveling journeys. My disbelief abjectly refuses to suspend that far. Besides, it's been done, Doctor. And my name isn't really Helena, or Sarah either, and I'm not sure the real me really wants to go with you anyway. No, you go on ahead. Have your adventures and I'll have mine and when you come back to visit we can grab a beer and regale each other with our exploits. Bring me back a pirate peg leg. That I'll believe."
"I... but..."
"No, that's it, I won't discuss it anymore. 'The end,' Narrator."
The end.
"I have discovered the secret of time travel."
There were several seconds of stunned silence before Helena burst into an explosive fit of giggles. But Alex wasn't laughing.
"Oh my god, you're serious."
"What do you think I've been doing all this time? I've been shut up working on it for weeks, and I got it! It works! Listen, we could meet Einstein, Shakespeare, Queen Elizabeth I, anybody! And pirates! We could meet Blackbeard, Anne Bonny, Captain Kidd! We could actually MEET them! ...Aren't you excited?"
Helena had gotten very silent and still.
"I'm not going with you."
"What? No, no, no, that's not the line. You're supposed to say 'fantastic! when do we leave?' What are you doing?"
"No, I'm stopping this now. It started out alright, kinda cute and wistfully lighthearted and irreverent, but now it's gotten simply ridiculous."
"What? You can't just stop right in the middle of the story. I mean, it's barely gotten started. Wait. No! Sit down!"
Helena had gotten up to leave and was putting on her coat.
"You can shut it too, Narrator, we don't need you here."
There was a chilly silence as everyone in the bar stopped their conversations and turned to glare at Helena.
"I said shut it, Narrator."
...
"Hey, look, you can't get rid of the narrator! How is anyone gonna know what's going on?"
"Alex, just stop it, I'm leaving this story, it's no good, I can't believe in it."
"What's the problem? Was it the time travel? I thought that bit was kinda neat."
"No, the time travel was a great idea, and the pirates. It would be really fun. But it's... I just don't... Alex, wouldn't you rather go alone?"
"No. I want you to come with me. Don't be absurd, that's why I'm here, that's what the whole story is about."
"Exactly, Alex. That's what the story is about. You only want me to come with you because I want you to want me to come with you. Your name isn't really Alex, remember? And it's easier for me to believe that you (the real you) could invent an honest-to-goodness real bona fide time-travelling machine (although I expect it would take you more than a few weeks to do) than for me to believe that you'd want me, just me, to come with you as a "special companion" on your time traveling journeys. My disbelief abjectly refuses to suspend that far. Besides, it's been done, Doctor. And my name isn't really Helena, or Sarah either, and I'm not sure the real me really wants to go with you anyway. No, you go on ahead. Have your adventures and I'll have mine and when you come back to visit we can grab a beer and regale each other with our exploits. Bring me back a pirate peg leg. That I'll believe."
"I... but..."
"No, that's it, I won't discuss it anymore. 'The end,' Narrator."
The end.
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