Stuff and Nonsense

Matthew enjoys mathematics
Phillip loves philosophy
Beatrix likes theatrics
Romana loves drama
And Arthur loves all artistry

Richard enjoys economics
Miss Muse plays her music for me
Poe is a poet
His bloodshot eyes show it
And Graham likes his crackers with tea

Victor cranks up the Victrola
Vance dances inverse four three
Bert births the babies
While Chase chases ladies
And Alice a-listens to me

Did too

Yesterday I had tea on the moon. I got there in a flying ice cream truck.

(Illustration of flying ice cream truck. Caption: it's my own design)

Contrary to popular belief, the moon is, in fact, made of cheese. It is not, however, green.

(It's purple, oddly enough.)

I did not partake of the purple cheese. I am not the adventurous sort.

Flying to the moon in an ice cream truck is not as massive an undertaking as it may appear upon first consideration.

It helps to have a giant, 4-dimensional space squid. And a bottle of wine. And very, very, very long sleeves.

DON'T PANIC

When will the paranoid hallucinations cease!?!?!?!? You're being followed. You're being ignored, abandoned. You're having existential crises over tea. You're fighting dark wizards and flying and talking to trees and they DON'T LIKE YOU! You can't find your fucking shoes. You're peeing too much, not pooping enough. You can only ingest liquid food and even that makes your stomach spastically clench. You wish you could vomit. You HATE vomiting. You heave or sob or convulse, who knows the difference anymore? Your eyes leak. Your lips screw open, peel back, and stick to your face. The music starts and your friends still aren't here. WHAT IS THIS NOISE?!?! God, you're so flabby. That doesn't make sense. It's your mother. She's short. But you're not. You tower over her like a giant. Your father hunches. Suddenly the strangeness of being born to heterosexual parents is irresistible. Irresistible strangeness. Where the fuck are your friends?!?! You're spending so much money. YOU CAN'T AFFORD TO HAVE A PANIC ATTACK!!!
Breathe…

It's raining.

This poem is called JUST FUCKING READ IT! I EXPLAIN NOTHING!!

gurgle gurgle grumble fuck

spinny ninny wiggle muck

grainy ginger spitting man

stick your bullshit in a can

bloobie bloo-ooo-ooo-ooo loop

squishum smishum wishum gloop

marry oh lays madrigold

In these shorts my ass is cold

rectum fectum blinky bee

doobie doobie doobie dee

I will fuck you with a tree

bibble bibble bumble squee

BLATHERATHERATHERATHERATHERATHERATHERATHER

pthththththththththhtththththththhththth…

BLATHERATHERATHERATHERATHERATHERATHERATHER

pthththththththththhtththththththhththth…

Joey

There are times when he wants to die from pure laziness. No deep shame, no torturous heartache, no inescapable financial burdens are driving him to wish death upon himself. He just doesn't want to do ANYTHING.
EVER.
And he might as well be dead as laying around like a lump of squishy, crunchy meat-sack.
Lump o' Meat-Sack.
Man flavored.
Unfortunately suicide requires action. And he's just… not… motivated.

Precision

The stars in your eyes are nothing more than the quartz chips that regulate the ticking of your heart.

Skeleton Doodle

Contents of Purse

Prescription eyeglasses and case with cleaning cloth

Pink beaded change purse containing four dollars and thirty-seven cents in change and one small Jameson Whiskey medallion

Imitation pink leather wallet with bird embroidery containing two dollars cash, a Minnesota state driver's license, a student identification card from Minneapolis Community and Technical College, a photocopy of a U.S. Passport, an obsolete Personal Checking account number, a card sized birth certificate copy (with incomplete name), a Social Security card, a Passport Services information card, an obsolete Visa check card, a MasterCard check card, three library cards (from the Brooklyn Public Library, Hennepin County Library, and Ramsey County Library respectively), an Utrecht Art Supplies Art Smart card, a Blick Art Materials Preferred Customer card, an Amtrak Guest Rewards card, an REI membership card, an Ulta Beauty club card, an XpresSpa discount card, two copies of a Singular Entertainment business card, half a raffle ticket, a Planned Parenthood pill pick up schedule, two free guest passes to the Metropolitan Museum of Art and the Cloisters, two stored-value MTA cards of unknown value, seven assorted travel receipts, a Nexcare adhesive bandage, a 'wichcraft sandwiches punch card with one punch, three assorted business cards, a card for five free capoeira classes from the Afro-Brazillian Capoeira Senevox, a dance class card from Minnesota Dance Theatre & The Dance Institute with seven classes still on it, KEEP THIS COUPON, a receipt from MDT&DI for the aforementioned dance card, a frequent buyer punch card from Step 'n' Stretch dance supplies with nine punches, and an expired Macy's department store employee number card

Metropolitan Museum of Art museum map

Dixon Place program/ticket for The Enchanted Organ: A Porn Opera

Ticket stub for the Australian Ballet's New York Tour featuring Graeme Murphy's Swan Lake

Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov

A Brief History of Time by Stephen Hawking

Button depicting hairy man crotch encased in zebra speedo

Keychain with house keys and discount cards for The Vitamin Shoppe and GNC

Chapter 12

Gradually, as the days lengthened, she began to lose bits of herself to the city. A book here, a lunchbox there. Three dollars. A sports bra, a shoe. Things fell out of pockets, got left behind in bars and subway stations, at the gym or the library, abandoned in old friends' kitchens, new friends' backyards, and under the beds of temporary lovers.
She didn't miss the things, but sometimes she missed the people.